I Am Here Always

Who knows

that in the depth

of the ravine

of the mountain

of my hidden heart

a firefly of my love

is a flame.

- Abutsu-Ni

There is something that has been culminating over this past six months that is complete now to share with you. It actually all came together as I was speaking with a very dear friend who is experiencing some health challenges.

Over the years, while being in Sri Bhagavan’s teaching, I had a misunderstanding about “releasing identification with the body-mind.” It was: if I gave attention to the body-mind the identification would increase instead of release. So, somewhere along the way I disconnected with the body all together. Over time this “disconnect” did not allow me to properly take care of it. Without this basic connection, not only was the health of the body jeopardized, but also there wasn’t a sense of what it needed to heal it. So, I was just “shooting in the dark,” so to speak. Trying all kinds of different things.

Recently while in India, I spent many hours in Sri Bhagavan’s Shrine Hall. To clarify this point about body-mind identification, a question was brought into this clear space. What came to Awareness was a story from the old devotees who had been with Sri Bhagavan while he had the reoccurring cancer on his upper arm. Everyone at that time knew that this experience was very painful, but what they witnessed was remarkable. Sri Bhagavan was seen to have gently spoken to his sore arm with love and compassion, saying, “Poor arm.” He was fully connected with his body as lovingly as he would one of his devotees, and sensed what the body was experiencing but was not drawn into it. As Awareness, he was being aware of the situation as it was arising with complete love and acceptance.

What a huge revelation this was for me. Any attempt of "trying to fix" obviously comes out of a sense of something being wrong and not from acceptance and love. And, that is creating a separate self-sense that is trying to fix. In "seeing through" all of this from Awareness, a love and compassion awakened for this body-mind.

So, as I was sharing this experience with my friend, it relieved a misunderstanding that she had also. An opening began to happen for her, as well. The connection with the body began to happen slowly but surely. Through this experience, the Heart opened to the way of Wisdom and Grace which leads us to exactly what is best for the healing of this body. And, it just “rings true” for us to follow this direction, faithfully.

Just recently I received this message from Ganesan:

Let us be courageous!

Look at, how assertively Sri Bhagavan assures us:

"Guru's Grace is always there. You imagine it is something somewhere

high in the sky, far away and has to descend. It is really inside you, in your Heart, and the moment you effect subsidence or merger of the mind into its Source -- the Heart, the Grace rushes forth -- sprouting as from a spring -- from within you."

As our call ended, there was a sense of aliveness that seemed to be coming from this Being that I AM (we are) … body-mind identification was naturally released from simply being This. Love, acceptance and gratitude was realized and present for this body-mind.

In my past communications with you there have been pieces of this shared. But, this exchange with my friend was a blessing for us both, as we discovered the entire picture together. Maybe it will be helpful for you too.

Here is my friend’s email after our call:

I have nothing but gratitude for what came through you and between us today. Any feeling of being alone is lessening now. I am and will continue to surrender to This, and trust that Grace is happening now. I am with you in Healing and Love.

True Friendship is Grace

Do not imagine

that an integral being

has the ambition of enlightening the unaware

or raising worldly people

to the divine realm.

To him, there is no self and no other,

and hence no one to be raised.

His only concern is his own sincerity.

- “Hua Hu Ching” vs. 27 from Lao Tzu

It seems that there is a ‘shift in the wind’ with regards to where the path is leading for this one.

When I began this blog, last fall, it was to follow a path of travelling around the world and meeting up with our global spiritual community. Well, in truth that is still happening, but there has been a shift in an aspect of it.

I have been in Denver and Boulder, Colorado, now for three months. In my itinerary it was to be only three weeks. Due to health reasons, I have remained. For the past month or so, I have been living in Boulder where the healing treatments have been since my arrival in Colorado.

During my stay here, I have met a number of people who have become very dear friends. And, they have extended their love and support in ways much like a loving family would do. Their generosity and kindness has created a safe haven for me, spiritually and physically.

One person has opened her new home to me and has invited me to stay on as long as I wish. Her name is Elizabeth. She has been so generous and supportive. We feel like soul-sisters. After being with this for some time to see “what is”, it feels true that this is where I am to be. This is to be my new home.

Recently, while in India at Ramanasramam and sitting with my Guru, Ramana Maharshi, answers to the questions “Where am I to go? and, “What am I to do?” were turned over to this pristine Presence of the Heart…into a vast field of not-knowing. And, from that moment onward I continued to surrender and follow this “not-knowing.” It seems that this grace-full Heart Current has led me here.

So, my dear Heart family, here I am.

My treatments will continue over the winter months, but not as frequently. And, as I am gaining my strength back, I will continue following the health officials here that have been overseeing my progress. It seems that the best time, health wise, is for me to travel back to N.C. in mid September and stay for a few weeks before heading back to Boulder. It would be great if it could work out to see you. :0)

Please give me your blessings as I enter into this new life here in Boulder. Actually, it’s clear that it’s not “my” life anymore…just following the Heart each step of the way. We can continue communicating this way for as long as we wish. We are family, always and forever … no matter where we are on this planet. If you want to send me a letter, or better yet come to visit, just email me for my new address.

I want to complete this sharing with an excerpt from “The Book of Awakening” by Mark Nepo that speaks my Heart right now…

I have been blessed to have deep friends in my time on Earth. They have been an oasis when my life has turned a desert. They have been a cool river to plunge in when my heart has been on fire. When I was ill, one said, “I will be whatever you need as long as you need it.”

Honest friends are doorways to our souls, and loving friends are the grasses that soften the world. It is no mistake that the German root of the word “friendship” means “place of high safety.” This safety opens us to God. As Cicero said, “A friend is a second self.” And as Saint Martin said, “My friends are the beings through whom God loves me.”

And, a song that a dear friend wrote …

When the Heart is in the center

And the circle goes around.

You can feel a Light start shining.

You can hear a joyous sound.

You can taste a sweet perfection.

You can touch the Oneness space.

When the Heart is in the center

our circle grows in Grace.

Our circle of Friendship and Love is growing in Grace ... creating a safe space for us all to live freely who-we-really-are anywhere on this beautiful planet. Now, our only “duty” is to serve the Heart no matter where It takes us or what It is asking of us to do. Some of you have shared with me that you have been getting messages from the Heart, as well. Yes, it is scary to follow what It is telling you to do. Maybe we don’t know how to do what the Heart is guiding us to do. Just by our willingness to follow It … It will guide us each step of the way step-by-step … much like a “treasure hunt” … we don’t get the clue as to what to do next until we take action with the first step. It gets to be fun, actually.

You are not alone, my dear sweet friend, there is a crowd of us following the rhythm of the Heart. And, It is leading us all to the Home we have never left.

Elizabeth at Boulder Creek

Take time to listen

to what is said without words,

To obey the law

too subtle to be written,

To worship the unnameable

and to embrace the unformed.

Love your life.

Trust the Tao.

Make love with

the invisible subtle origin of the universe,

and you will give yourself

everything you need.

[ Hua Hu Ching vs. 81 – Lao Tzu ]

Boulder Creek Falls at its peak – water coming from the snow covered mountain tops