I Am Here Always

Who knows

that in the depth

of the ravine

of the mountain

of my hidden heart

a firefly of my love

is a flame.

- Abutsu-Ni

There is something that has been culminating over this past six months that is complete now to share with you. It actually all came together as I was speaking with a very dear friend who is experiencing some health challenges.

Over the years, while being in Sri Bhagavan’s teaching, I had a misunderstanding about “releasing identification with the body-mind.” It was: if I gave attention to the body-mind the identification would increase instead of release. So, somewhere along the way I disconnected with the body all together. Over time this “disconnect” did not allow me to properly take care of it. Without this basic connection, not only was the health of the body jeopardized, but also there wasn’t a sense of what it needed to heal it. So, I was just “shooting in the dark,” so to speak. Trying all kinds of different things.

Recently while in India, I spent many hours in Sri Bhagavan’s Shrine Hall. To clarify this point about body-mind identification, a question was brought into this clear space. What came to Awareness was a story from the old devotees who had been with Sri Bhagavan while he had the reoccurring cancer on his upper arm. Everyone at that time knew that this experience was very painful, but what they witnessed was remarkable. Sri Bhagavan was seen to have gently spoken to his sore arm with love and compassion, saying, “Poor arm.” He was fully connected with his body as lovingly as he would one of his devotees, and sensed what the body was experiencing but was not drawn into it. As Awareness, he was being aware of the situation as it was arising with complete love and acceptance.

What a huge revelation this was for me. Any attempt of "trying to fix" obviously comes out of a sense of something being wrong and not from acceptance and love. And, that is creating a separate self-sense that is trying to fix. In "seeing through" all of this from Awareness, a love and compassion awakened for this body-mind.

So, as I was sharing this experience with my friend, it relieved a misunderstanding that she had also. An opening began to happen for her, as well. The connection with the body began to happen slowly but surely. Through this experience, the Heart opened to the way of Wisdom and Grace which leads us to exactly what is best for the healing of this body. And, it just “rings true” for us to follow this direction, faithfully.

Just recently I received this message from Ganesan:

Let us be courageous!

Look at, how assertively Sri Bhagavan assures us:

"Guru's Grace is always there. You imagine it is something somewhere

high in the sky, far away and has to descend. It is really inside you, in your Heart, and the moment you effect subsidence or merger of the mind into its Source -- the Heart, the Grace rushes forth -- sprouting as from a spring -- from within you."

As our call ended, there was a sense of aliveness that seemed to be coming from this Being that I AM (we are) … body-mind identification was naturally released from simply being This. Love, acceptance and gratitude was realized and present for this body-mind.

In my past communications with you there have been pieces of this shared. But, this exchange with my friend was a blessing for us both, as we discovered the entire picture together. Maybe it will be helpful for you too.

Here is my friend’s email after our call:

I have nothing but gratitude for what came through you and between us today. Any feeling of being alone is lessening now. I am and will continue to surrender to This, and trust that Grace is happening now. I am with you in Healing and Love.